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Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Words are inadequate...

I love words. I tend to be loquacious and verbose. I have a much larger vocabulary than I utilize on a daily basis. You would think that due to my large vocabulary, being a logophile, and using an abundance of words, that words would not often fail me. But when it comes to Brian... I am often left grasping for the right words to use.

I write about Rachael a lot; in part, because she's Rachael and she's adorable, but also because I want to remember all of these little things about her. I tend to not write about Brian as much... not because I don't have plenty to say, but because I don't know how to say it. It is difficult to put into words what Brian means to me.

For you to really understand how wonderful Brian is, you would not only have to know him personally, but you would also have to understand what I've had in the past... and quite honestly, I don't really want to rehash some of the terrible relationships I've had. They aren't worthy of the words or the time required to share.

I have never had a guy send me flowers at work... until Brian. Brian listens to me and really wants to know me. He truly doesn't care about things I've done in the past except that it helps him to know and understand who I am today. He treats me so well. He wants my input and perspective and truly values it. He's considerate of my time... He is more than happy to tell me to go have fun with a friend and he does it without making me feel guilty for being away from him or like he doesn't care that I'm not talking to him. He's not possessive. He's not jealous. He's not insecure. I like that. Then again, he has no need to be any of those things because I'm all his. Brian has a way of making me feel secure. I think it's that he's consistent and I know that I can trust him. While he is consistent, he is not predictable... and that's nice because he's able to surprise me all the time.

I know that this is odd, because we haven't even met in person yet... but I miss him. I feel like I've known him forever, until I realize that I've never even held his hand. (1 full day until I do!) My friend, Brooke, pointed out that this is the first relationship that I've had that's conflict-free. When I talk about Brian to her, it's all good... not "He's great, but there's this one thing..." There is nothing about Brian that I'm uncomfortable with or that needs to be fixed or changed. I love him just the way he is.

I do love Brian just the way he is, but I also love that I see changes that are taking place. I can see the Holy Spirit working in his life, and that's amazing to me. If God's going to work on him, I'm ok with that... we all have room for improvement when we use God as our measuring stick.

Brian makes me so happy. Each day is a gift with him and each day is one that I want to enjoy and to live in the moment of. I want a future with Brian... a very long one... but I want today right now.

Brian speaks my love language... and he does it effortlessly. He appreciates me and the little things I do to show him I care and they make him feel really loved. He doesn't take me for granted. He tries to make me happy everyday (and succeeds!). Brian does the planning... he takes the lead in things, but without dragging me along... and instead it's more like having me by his side to make decisions with him. He doesn't make me plan all of our upcoming dates, but he listens to what I want.

There is so much about Brian that I could say... but completely inadequate words with which to say it. I am so thankful that God brought Brian into my life.