If you had asked me 3 weeks ago if I would have something to blog about soon, I would have told you no... but as we all know, life can change in an instant, when you least expect it. And this time, mine changed for the better. Life is not always easy, but looking back, I can see how God allowed me to go through each experience in order to prepare me for today. For something great. For something better than I could ever have imagined. For more.
After 27 years of failed relationships, loneliness, yearning, and praying... I lost hope. I believe that God is faithful and that He will do what He says He will do. I believe that God has a plan for my life and that it's a good one (Jeremiah 29:11). I just lost hope in believing that His plan for me looked anything like I wanted it to look for me. After so many years of praying for God to send me a mate, I changed my prayer to God, do your will in my life. If marriage is not in your plan for me, then take away my desire to be married. Take away this longing and show me what you have for me. I want what You want for me... but I really want to be married and have kids... so if that's not it, pleeeeeease make me stop wanting it. I didn't stop wanting it. I just quit believing I would get it and decided to move forward with my life as though marriage and children were not in my future.
I know that Sunday, June 1, will be remembered as a significant day in my life. After driving a few hours, I met friends and my parents for breakfast at Joey's Pancake House in Maggie Valley, NC. When I got to the table, I hugged my friend Christin and her husband Eric. When I hugged Eric, he said, "I have something I need to talk to you about." So, I sat down beside him and he said the words that would completely change my life as I knew it. I don't remember his exact words, but in my head I remember them as I would have said them... so there's this guy. I was hoping that's what he had to talk to me about... so maybe I hadn't lost hope afterall.
Then Eric said, "There's just one thing." Uh oh. "He has a little girl."
I said, "Oh? Is that all?! GIVE HIM MY NUMBER!"
As we were sitting there talking about Brian, I started thinking that a few things sounded familiar and pulled up a dating website on my phone and went to the profile of a guy that I've been checking out for many, many months. It was him.
So later that afternoon, Eric called Brian and gave him my number. Brian thought about calling me that day, but didn't. And he didn't call me the next day either. In fact, I waited 10 days for him to call me. I'd like to say that I played it cool and waited patiently, but I didn't. My phone never left my side, I checked out his profile at least 15 times, I googled him to get every bit of info on him that I could find. Creepy? Maybe. While I was busy waiting, Brian was busy praying. (I was praying too.) God spoke to Brian like He had to Eric and Christin and told him to call me.
Finally, on Wednesday, June 11, 2013 at 7:51 pm, my phone rang.... it was him.
Almost an hour later, we ended the phone call with a promise from him to call again the next day, or possibly later that evening. He did call the next day, just like he said he would. Over an hour later, we got off the phone and I was positive that there was something wonderful about this one.
He didn't play games with me. He let me know what to expect from him, and then he followed through on that. He adores his little girl, Rachael. He has had his fair share of heartache and yet demonstrates so much grace to those who don't deserve it. Instead of bitterness and hurt and anger, he speaks of his ex with compassion and grace that only comes from knowing the God of compassion and grace and having a relationship with Him. I knew that this one was different. And that was only after the second phone call.
Maybe it's too soon to really know, but what I do know is that I have some blogging material now and that if today turns into forever, I don't want to forget these days. I want them recorded for posterity and to remember that God keeps His promises. I want these memories written down. There has been a lot of prayer that has gone into this match that has been made between us, so I have a good feeling about it. :)
Saturday night we spent almost 5 hours on the phone with each other. I have never had any guy that I could talk to for 5 hours and not feel the need to confess every bad thing I've ever done, set a wedding date, and name our children. It's not like that with Brian. With him, I can just talk... about life, ideas, happy stuff, sad stuff. I knew that something was special and different when with him, I didn't need to share it all in the first conversation...
Somehow with Brian, I've found that balance between being content in what I/ we have today while having an awareness of and looking forward to what we will share in the future. And the future will come... but today is precious and you can never get it back. With Brian, I can enjoy the present. With Brian, what they say is true: The past is history, the future is a mystery, and today is a gift. That's why it's called the present.
Brian and I have spent countless hours on the phone, on Skype, texting... losing plenty of sleep. Never in my life has a guy made me completely lose my appetite, but it took me over a week to start having any desire to even look at food. Who needs food when you're busy falling in love?
Things I love about Brian in no particular order:
- He tells me what to expect, and then does it
- He's responsible
- He loves Rachael with all his heart; he's such a good daddy
- He is sweet! Oh my, he is sweet!
- He's a man! He pursues me and takes the lead and does things right
- He provides spiritual leadership in our relationship even at this level
- He prays about decisions that he has to make and waits for God to answer
- He's handsome
- He affirms me daily
- He demonstrates grace and compassion to his ex, so I know that he will give me grace and compassion when I need it
- He understands that life isn't just sunshine and butterflies and doesn't expect me to act like it is all the time